My Nursing Journey

From the moment I decided I wanted to go to nursing school, I was pretty sure that I wanted to work in either pediatrics or oncology (or some combo of the two). Like most other nursing students/new grads, I applied at several different hospitals and for various positions. Essentially, I just wanted a job. While in nursing school, I worked as a PCT (patient care technician/CNA) in a hospital on their resource team—meaning I went to whichever unit in the hospital needed me that day. This gave me experience, which was a definite bonus when applying for nursing jobs. My very first interview was at a hospital that I’d had clinical at while in nursing school, and it was on a medical oncology and hospice unit! The interview went great, and within a couple of hours they called and offered me the job. It all felt natural and right, so I gladly accepted. That was the craziest summer of my life- I graduated nursing school, took/passed my NCLEX, got married, went on my honeymoon, and started my first job as a new nurse. WHEW!

I worked as an oncology nurse on this unit for about 3.5 years and seriously LOVED it. I had the absolute best coworkers, who turned into best friends. My manager was amazing. The physicians I worked with each day were fantastic. I really don’t think I could have landed a better first job. In fact, it caused me to have very high expectations for my next endeavor. This hospital was in the suburbs of Chicago, so I got to experience so many different types of patients. The coolest part of this job was that I truly saw myself as a leader. I became a charge nurse, precepted nursing students, oriented brand new nurses to the unit, and overall became a resource for other nurses on the unit. I’ve spent a lot time reflecting on how this came to be. Growing up, I didn’t really see myself as a leader. I got good grades and was decent at school, but I always had to try very hard. I was the girl who had to spend hours studying for a test- it didn’t just come naturally. BUT, I think what made a difference on the unit was that I took in all that I could during orientation (I was teachable), I made myself available to other nurses/techs, and I truly cared about all the patients/staff. I really believe that these three things made a huge difference in my career and led to others respecting me and seeing me as a leader.

At my 3.5 year mark, my husband had graduated PA school and we decided to that would be moving back to Michigan, where we’re both from originally. We wanted to be near family and buy a house where we could start a family. I decided that since I had to get a new job anyway, now would be a great time to try something different and see if I liked it as much as (or even more than) oncology. There are so many different avenues in nursing, so I thought I’d try critical care. I got a job in a cardiothoracic ICU at a huge hospital. This is where the SICKEST of the sickest patients go. Like, it’s freaking intense. BUT, at that point, it’s what I wanted. I wanted to pursue a huge challenge and prove to myself that I could be an ICU nurse. I tried so hard to like it. There were parts that I enjoyed, such as having a lot of independence and autonomy as the nurse, learning multiple new things each day, and the overall challenge of it. HOWEVER, it just wasn’t for me. It caused to me have a lot of anxiety, which was something that I hadn’t ever really experienced before. It was the worst feeling I’ve ever felt, and I truly hated going to work. Life is too short to hate your job, you guys. People were telling me I’d start to feel comfortable there after a year or two. There were several nurses there who told me they needed to be put on meds for anxiety because it was just the nature of this position. Well, I was not about to wait for ‘a year or two’ and take a prescription because of how my job was making me feel. To me, that’s NOT normal. This job was making me not want to even be a nurse anymore, which was crazy because like I said, I loved being a nurse before. I’d gotten to the point where I’d been working there for almost 6 months, and I was crying on my way to work every day. I was losing sleep, couldn’t eat, was trying to think of any excuse I could to call in sick, and I knew I couldn’t keep doing that to myself. And let me be clear—there’s “normal” nursing anxiety, where you’re a little nervous about going into your shift or taking care of a certain type of patient, and then there’s debilitating anxiety that’s unhealthy. If you’re experiencing the latter type, I really encourage you to talk to your manager and let them know how you’re feeling. They’re not going to be mad. If anything, they’ll be able to help you find something that’s a better fit for you.

My husband and family were extremely supportive, so I got a new job and went back to oncology. I’m 100% about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, trying new things, and pursuing your dreams. Honestly, I’m glad that I had that 6 months of ICU experience and that I went for it, because now I KNOW that THAT unit is not where I’m meant to be as a nurse. And you guys, that’s OK. I learned so much, and I’m so proud of myself for trying it. I actually enjoyed the critical care aspect of things, but that particular unit just wasn’t home for me. There are people who loved working on that unit but would hate oncology. That’s the beauty of nursing—there’s something for everyone. You just have to find what you love, what you’re passionate about, and where you belong. You need support at work, and you need to feel comfortable. Keep pushing and keep looking, because I promise it’s out there!

XO,

Alyssa, RN